Sunday, May 13, 2012

On Being Sex Positive

In response to my 50 Shades of Grey review last Friday, I wanted to talk about a few things I've been hearing about some of the more tawdry portions of the book. The series, which I have dubbed "kink myths" will be posting over the next week and a half. There won't be anything unduly graphic, but there will be discussion of human sexuality in a frank, academic way.

As a pre-cursor to those discussions, I want to set the stage with where I'm coming from.

I'm what people in the sex-ed business like to call sex-positive. That's a term that's tossed around a lot, but generally it means that I believe that sexuality is a fundamental part of the human experience and should be dealt with as such. I support folks who want to have sex. I support sex education that covers biology, STIs, kink, sexual orientation, religion, legal standards and emotional response. I don't believe that anything is "wrong" except that which puts people in danger or is non-consensual for any party involved.  I believe that people's sexual choices are theirs to make and that they in no way infringe upon my choices or beliefs.

To flesh that out a bit, I believe that if a person wants to be sexual with two or three different people, that that is their choice. I think they need to be pro-active about their health, be extremely emotionally aware, and have excellent communication skills, but so long as no one is having sex in the streets {that would violate the consent rule, btw, because I did not consent to watch that, thankyouverymuch} its none of my business. If a person is into BDSM or extreme pain, they should do some serious research, know their partner{s} extremely well, etc, but again, none of my business. On the opposite end of the spectrum, if folks want to be married for life to one partner {most people want this!} or have traditional sex only, that's also their choice.

All of these are valid choices. While I will be discussing some things that might squick you, know that I'm not advocating for anything except being sex-positive and being well-informed on the choices YOU choose to make. I want people who have never heard of these things before to know what they're reading and to know that "safe, sane and consensual" is a universal sexual standard, kink or no kink.

In addition, I must disclose that I am NOT a certified sex educator. I have taken several sex-ed classes and done a ridiculous amount of research {both for personal and professional reasons}, but you should always consult with a physician on medical issues and physical limitations, and you should not attempt something which makes you feel uncomfortable. Of course, you should also verify any information I give you and do your own research!

You can look for the first post in my myth-busting series in a few days!


  1. i love this!
    i think the idea of _______-positive ; be it sex, gender, marriage, wellness, is great.
    so many stinkin' problems would be solved [avoided!] if we encouraged people to do research, but allow them to MAKE THEIR OWN INFORMED DECISIONS!

  2. Can't wait! It always makes me wonder why other people care so much about what/how/who other people have sex with.

  3. I agree with this wholeheartedly. As long as no one is getting hurt and everyone agreed to it, it's none of my business what people do in their sex lives. And none of theirs what I do with mine, either.

    On a somewhat related note, have you ever read the Kushiel series by Jacqueline Carey? It's alternate history/political intrigue/dash of fantasy, but one of the coolest things about it is the religion, which has as it's only tenet "Love as thou wilt" and in practice is exactly the kind of attitude you're talking about above. It's also just damn good character writing. First book is Kushiel's Dart, if you want to check it out. :)