Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Kink Myth #3: It's Unsafe

This post is my final one in my mini-series response to some of what has been said about the 50 Shades  trilogy. Before I get into the content, I want to remind everyone on my post about being sex-positive and re-emphasize that I'm not advocating for any one thing except good knowledge. Many people did NOT like these books for various reasons {the kink and the awful writing is usually what I'm hearing} and that's OK! We all like what we like! My point, here, is to specifically de-bunk the notions that the kinky stuff is wrong, bad, unsafe, or akin to rape. That's it! You still don't have to like it or want to try it, I just want people have good information about what they're reading {because, honestly, the sex scenes are one thing that Ms. James did incredibly right}.

Onward, then!

Some of what I've been hearing is that the stuff that Christian does {and some of what we think he's done} is unsafe. That a riding crop shouldn't be used on people for fear of disfigurement, that someone could get injured, that someone might be hurt. Well, yes, they might, and sometimes pain is by design.

 Before you start worrying though, you should know that people get hurt doing just about anything, including walking down the street and having plain 'ole sex. Men end up in the ER every so often for penile fracture, and let's not pretend that sometimes people haven't gotten a little too excited {no pun intended!} and banged their head, cut a finger, bit too hard....you get the idea.

For that matter, let's remember that in our society we glorify risk and injury. How many of us watch football where people suffer brain traumas every so often, or hockey where hitting each other is the norm? Compared to those past times a paddle is kind of tame, no? Something else to know: there are techniques that are used with everything to ensure that there is no permanent damage {this sounds scary, but sometimes people want some damage, as in marks}. When it seems like an activity is simply not safe for anyone most folks don't try them.

Of course there are some risks. The key, as with anything, is to know your partner and to know their views on safety. If you're in some sort of position where you can't physically get up and walk away, or there is potential that you might not be, you need to have a partner who you KNOW will be proactive about safety in general. Someone who knows safety protocol {Christian talks about bondage being his one injury, for example. In this case, someone who knows tensile strengths, correct knots, etc. is essential}, first aid and CPR, and is aware of your normal reactions all go a long way to avoiding risk.

To use my climbing analogy again: people get hurt on ropes courses, mostly due to equipment failure or human error. Climbing to 40 or 50 feet definitely has the potential for some series risks. I manage that by checking my equipment, practicing, knowing how to do things that are fun yet safe, etc. I still come out with bumps and bruises, and it's pretty much inevitable that my harness is going to hurt {hellloooo zip line!} at some point. I know these things, but I still work at various challenge courses because I enjoy them and have accepted the risks that go with them.

It is exactly the same for any kind of kinky play.

***This was the final installment of my "Kink Myths" series in response to the 50 Shades trilogy. You can read Myth 1 and Myth 2 by clicking on the links.

1 comment:

  1. I'm nearly finished reading Fifty Shades of Grey at the moment. I'm not really enjoying it to be honest and am a little surprised at all the hype surrounding it. The sex stuff isn't even that bad, from what I had read everywhere I was expecting a lot worse. I certainly don't think that anybody could portray what Christian is doing as rape, that's just silly. It's consensual sex between two adults but I do dislike the certain Lolita-esque vibe that the author tries to give it. The worst part was when Anastasia tied her hair in pigtails thinking Christian wouldn't want to hurt her looking like that... really? The whole paragraph had me laughing out loud!!

    Megan @ Storybook Love Affair