Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Wingnuts and other fun people on campus

I figured this was a good time to restart my blog. I hope you find it as entertaining as I did!

For those of you who know me well, you know I love a guy named Tom Short. He's a missionary who likes to sit in a camp chair in front of Sully (statue of Lawrence Sullivan Ross....guy who let women into A&M, Whoop!), drink Mountain Dew, and talk to us all about the Bible, fornication (yes, he does use that word) and other generally sinful things. Those of us who enjoy chatting with him sort of camp out, play S-H-O-R-T bingo, throw paper airplanes at each other, argue a bit, and generally have a good time. I haven't seen him in awhile, which is pretty sad. He's great entertainment. Well folks, I found someone WAY better than Tom. Shawn the Baptist. Hanging out near the Academic building was a group of people with this sign (note, there was much yelling involved):

Yes, you read that right, we are all going to hell. I, for one, am quite damned because I'm a feminist and "evilutionist", and because I know that although I don't see myself this way, I also fit the sodomite, abortionist, porn freak, sex freak, pagan, and liar categories.

And, in case we weren't clear, there's that little "and all other non-Christians" clause at the end.

Amused, I ran to get a friend of mine who I know will be amused, and we listen to this guy (I'll call him Messenger):

Messenger proceeds to outline many things about Aggieland which you may not know:

1. We all get drunk on weekends.
2. We are idolators {Aggie football, maroon, learning in general, all bad}.
3. All Ags with curly hair smoke pot.
4. There are no Christians on campus.

Say what?! We have the *greatest number* of missionaries from any public school in the U.S., but no Ags are Christians. Apparently, you are *only* Christian a) if you are Messenger (or his wife, or the little minions holding his sign) or b) you tell God to send you to hell because you are so undeserving of heaven and hope that he might be nice. Not even accepting Jesus will help. At this point, I think Messenger might possibly be referring to Zeus and not Jesus.

At some point this guy with this sign appears (warning: dirty, possibly offensive joke):

Other funny things that happened around this time:

1. Messenger says he loves even the worst men and is accused of being gay.
2. Random person starts reading from his Linear Algebra book in fire and brimstone fashion.
3. Cool Southern Baptist minister stands nose-to-nose with Messenger and screams back.
4. Person argues with Messenger about the beauty of the f-word.

A little time passes, and I find the other Jews.

We, of course, start a slow clap immediately followed by a nice rendition of Havah Negilah.

I start to wonder why feminists are going to hell.

So I ask:

"What's so bad about feminists?"

{Messenger ignores me}

"Are you ignoring me because I have a vagina?"

(Still no answer. Subsequent questions to other group members, who I'm calling minions, yielded the same response)

I did get some nice cheers and Whoop!s to my second question though.

Meanwhile, one of Messenger's minions walked around beating his Bible. Literally.

On the way back to class, I had my friend (who does not have a vagina) ask about the feminist thing. Apparently we're all supposed to support our men, be subservient, etc. etc. Eve, the serpent, man's rib, whatever. I also got a picture of the carrying case for the yellow sign:

I particularly like the one that equates the fairytale about the frog turning into a prince to evolution. These people clearly don't know how to read. That might explain a few things.

All in all, a highly entertaining way to spend an afternoon.

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